When Friendships Shift: Embracing Change and Finding Connection
There always seems to be a parallel between the conversations I have with clients and the experiences I navigate in my own life. Lately, a recurring theme has been adult friendships—particularly as we move through our 30s. This decade is full of pivotal transitions: marriage, children, career changes, relocations, and more. Again and again, I hear clients talk about the difficulty of maintaining long-term friendships, making new friends, and feeling lonely. And I feel that, too.
Friendships are unique in that they often form and evolve naturally, without the structured conversations we have in romantic relationships. There’s no “What are we?” moment, no formal relationship definitions, and often no explicit breakup. Friends come and go, sometimes dictated by the phases of our lives. Change is normal.
What we don’t talk about enough is the grief that comes with shifting friendships—losing friends to new families, distance, career demands, or simply growing apart due to lifestyle differences. And that pain is real. In many ways, it can be more painful than a romantic breakup. It’s normal to feel sad, to grieve, and to acknowledge that a friendship has changed.
On a personal note, I cherish my friendships more than almost anything. I’ve been incredibly fortunate to have meaningful friendships throughout my life. My friends have supported me through my hardest moments, made me laugh until I cried, joined me on epic adventures, and engaged in deep and meaningful conversations. But as friendships have shifted over the past decade, it has been hard not to take it personally.
If you’re struggling with changes in your friendships, here are a few ways to navigate them:
Talk about it – If it would be helpful, have an open conversation with your friend about the changes in your relationship.
Don’t take it personally – Life evolves, and sometimes friendships shift as a result. It’s not always about you.
Write a letter – Express gratitude for the friendship and what it brought to your life. You don’t have to send it, but it can be a powerful way to reflect on and honor the relationship.
So, what’s next? Meet new people! There are plenty of opportunities to form new friendships that align with your current phase of life. Here are some ideas:
Sign up for a class – Whether it’s dance, art, rock climbing, cooking, or something else, classes are a great way to meet like-minded people.
Volunteer – Get involved in your community and connect with others who share your values.
Engage in your hobbies – Find groups through social networking platforms, local meetups, or group chats, and challenge yourself to talk to at least two new people.
At our core, we are social beings who crave connection and belonging. Friendships will change over time, but the end of one relationship often makes space for new, beautiful, and unexpected ones. Embrace the shifts, grieve when needed, and remain open to the friendships still to come. And who knows—maybe you’ll even find yourself rekindling an old friendship along the way.